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[01 Nov 2006|03:03pm] It's been so long since i've updated, i find it has no important values, nobody reads this shit anyway. There are new things happening, but again, nobody reads this, so i really don't know why i'm still typing. Maybe in hopes that my friends will see it. Dunno. Whatevazzz, I just hope these friends I met aren't two-faced. Just don't fuck with me plzokthxby DO IT

[17 Aug 2006|03:49am] i had a pretty good birthday :) DO IT

[14 Aug 2006|08:54pm] Birthday :) 1 DO IT

[19 Jul 2006|01:22pm] fun night last night. hung out with andy, and went to his place to meet up with ting and joe. joe didnt recognize me at first, but i knew his lanky-ass anyday. i dont think he likes me too much, hes on andrea's nuts LAWL. just kidding just kidding, hes neat, but seriously though, he barely said a word to me, but whateva. ok. later EDIT: yo if anyone takes offense to this im really just joking. (as noted when I said:"just kidding just kidding") so eazzzzy 12 DO IT

[18 Jul 2006|03:15am] Hello to all of you! im kinda fucked up right now, but i'm gonna spell everything perfect so fuck. Lately things have been going well, beyond having no job. That's nothing reallly to worry about though, ive never had much trouble getting one. It's been kinda boring though, having nothing really needed to be done. Josh moved his drumset out of the basement, which infact, blows ass. I would totally play all the time, like I have been before he took it. It was kinda lame though. you see he went to california to visit palmer, who will be coming back in august btw, and he told me he would let me play his drums whnever i want if i looked after them while he was gone. I said yes, of course, and he was going to leave a key for the room with me. But, apparently saying that I could watch over them means I, infact cannot watch over them because it's uhh, ya know, not there. Sweet. Thanks, ass. haha. Man, Incubus is so much fucking fun to listen to when you are incapacitated. I think they are quite an amazing band. Very creative, very talented. Anyway, ya know what? I want to hang out with my old crew. I just remember being so happy around them, for the most part. What a great lot. I mean, I still talk to some people, like emily, and sean, and jurek, and uh...well, i think thats it. I admit i'd like to see more of them, and some others too... I'm just not sure how much they would care to hang out with me more often. I mean, sometimes I get these vibes like they are being 2 faced with me, but maybe im just paranoid. WhatevzzzZz. Ive been thinking alot about them lately, but hey it's all gravy baby. Woooo boy tool is kinda NEAT right now, they too are also a great band. Fuck mother fuck its like rlyrlyrlylrlyomfgrly really hot in my room, jeeyzuz. with the window open, a window fan, and 2 other fans, it's still at least 85 or 90 in here, seriously. it gets a bit warm in here ya know? yeeeeaaahh. fuck humidity too while were at it. it feels like im breathing in noxious farty heat air or something. because that makes sense too. im drained right noow so, im done ranting on. goodbye to anyone that even reads it! DO IT

[14 Jul 2006|02:41am] {[ENjOY]} DO IT

[09 Jul 2006|07:12pm] I moved into my new place a few weeks ago. I must say i'm loving it. It's alot of new stuff in my life now, makes everything easier. I'm doing ok now. Shit, I want to go swimming, I must admit, last summer was the shit with all that swimming and what not. Later. DO IT

[19 Jun 2006|02:21pm] get some nuts tiger. DO IT

[31 May 2006|03:09am] You really are so fucking pathetic 1 DO IT

Rise [30 Jan 2006|04:40am] We must rise above the people who bring us down everyday DO IT

Ogre! [29 Jan 2006|02:01pm] I've been hanging out with andy alot these recent weeks. We have been doing so much smoking/drinking...We both have been kind of miserable lately, but I think our friendship with eachother is keeping us going strong still. We've been doing so many drugs to just forget our painful recent memories. I couldn't imagine being alone through all of this. Thank you andy, for being there for me when nobody else was. 1 DO IT

Watching [27 Jan 2006|02:43pm] I'm sitting here watching everything go by. I wonder if I can do much to stop what happens around me, or start things, for that matter. Maybe things won't be so different afterall, I can't tell yet but I am always watching, always wanting to find out if the past, the fun we used to have, will ever come back. DO IT

Questions [18 Jan 2006|05:41pm] I feel myself changing as we speak..I am not the same as I was a year ago. We are not so different at all. 1 DO IT

Unraveled [18 Jan 2006|03:13pm] It pisses me off how I can't control anything at all. DO IT

Control [17 Jan 2006|07:32pm] I am slowly slipping away from everything, and i still lose. I need to get away from everything here, I need to be free. DO IT

Feelings [03 Jan 2006|04:10am] It's 4:10 in the morning and all I can think about is the reason I am alone. The reason my thoughts wander at night, the reason my heart skips a beat, the reason my mind ignites with the pain that I don't want anymore, the reason that I just can't let go. It's never as easy as that. Even when it's done with, I just can't help but feel what lies inside of me. No matter what anyone says, I still feel everything I felt before, along with the suffering I must endure. I don't know why this had to happen. Of course there were issues, but with everything like it, they get worked out. People change patrick, thats what they say to me. Well no shit people change, thats kind of apparent. It's true though, some people change quite dramatically. I changed too you know. I changed, and I tried to change for the better, and I'd like to think I have. When people change for the worse and give you up for it, I can only wonder how far it could go. I hope you realize you've lost some of your friends because of your change. Obviously it doesn't seem to harm you too much. If you only realized the love and care I have for you, maybe you would know what you've lost. DO IT

Infatuation [05 Dec 2005|01:28am] Another time, another tale. I always wondered how quickly things can change. I often found myself thinking of what I needed and what was good for me. Sometimes both interact and create the thing that has promised you happiness. The creation can be anything, I guess. Funny how I talk about these things on Livejournal; how cliche. I remember seeing Andrea in Cafe Ambrosia. She always wore that white hat of hers, she always wore it. Then again I didn't care because she looked so goshdarn cute in it. We would sit and drink Chai (well, at least she would, i hadn't discovered the goodness of Chai just yet) and talk about absolutely nothing. I loved it. I remember how she was so sad that she was going away to college in Chicago, and how much she wanted to stay, for me. I remember how worried she would get that we might not be able to spend christmas together. Nowadays it doesn't seem to affect her if we are or not. I remember when she first told me she liked me too (I better fucking remember that, sheesh). She was always so scared to take big steps, but nowadays, she seems to just take the wheel and steer wherever she wants. Not quite a good thing, yet an improvement in certain areas. She was always so weird, but it was her weirdness that attracted me to her. Her random...everything. It was her innocence, her involvement with me proved to be rather new to her. I enjoyed it. I could just sit and hold her hand and not give a shit in the world what we did. Who knew I could be so simple-minded. Or my simple infatuation with her. We rarely hold hands, let alone talk much anymore, even though we are still "together". Dead relationship? I don't know, but it sure seems like it. I don't care though, I will do anything for her, she is too much to lose. I will wait for her no matter what. I believe she is not changed for good, I believe there is still that innocent, crazy, beautiful girl there for me, I think I just have to hold on. I guess this shit is private and shouldn't be on the internet of all places, but I don't have a journal nor do I care much of anyone sees it. Maybe someone can relate, and it will help them/me. I miss you Andrea. 1 DO IT

Uncontrollable [26 Nov 2005|03:01am] Can't you feel it in your fingertips? The uncontrollable urge to run away and live your dream? I can. My dream is different. Something much larger than I could have anticipated. I'm unsure exactly of what it is, but it's there. Sometimes I just can't breath it hits me so hard. The urge. The URGE to drive myself away from everything I know to be on my own to find who I am, and who I will be. This can't be all there is. Wasted nights intoxicated on whatever deleriant I can get my hands on. No, oh no. It's not all there is. I am more than this. We all are, I think. We all can see our dreams in the palm of our hands but yet it is gone faster than it appeared. I will not let myself slip into the slur of Americas delights. I will not be the ant that carries himself on under the hope that he will, one day, become something more. Do you feel like you are so small in a world like this? I, like others, do. I live for my friends, but they don't live for me. Maybe I am wrong. To test them, to find their limits of their friendship. It's amazing how easily some will break. Do you feel the insatiable hunger for more? To burts open at a random time, and scream out that YOU are NOT going to live like this? Well shit, it's all just talk. Just simple dreams formed into words that you will never follow. Why? Because of security. Security that you will never be the same, never have the things you do now, the people to back you up. The knowledge that you might, just might, lose EVERYTHING to gain everything in a whole new light? Would you give up your life to find out what you are truly meant to live for? To save a life? Maybe, more than one? To evolve the world further? To be the savior that we all need but won't admit we want? No, not jesus :P. We all need help, we all need someone to guide us because we are too far from our own truth to admit that we can't be left alone and be okay that way. Find one person, one person you love, who loves you. Would you die for them? Would you sacrifice everything for them? With them? I don't think you would. But who am I to judge? I am nobody to put such words in your mouth. Can you anticipate the end of your life and the beginning of your exsistence? Oh, it's there. But I don't want it. Would you drop everything to try and find out WHY you are here? WHY you always feel an empty spot deep inside of your soul that you can never fulfill, because it is void for a reason? The reason being, possibly, that you must find who you are...? Find it. Throw everything away! Well, at least put it away for your time of forthcoming destiny. I dare you. I dare you to show everyone your weakness, to put yourself out as your true self, not the people we are now, but your TRUE being. Go out and don't be afraid to tell people what you think, or how you feel. For fucks sake, if they don't accept it, they obviously cannot handle who you really are! Test your limits. Go outside (wear a jacket at least, it's fucking cold) and run, drive, fly, swim, however the hell you want, to the closest person in your life, and show them your true self. If you already have, good for you! They will love you as you, not you as your second being. Cherish what you have with them, that you can share you most feared thoughts of your past, and present (or future for that matter) and that they will not judge you. Because you love the, they will love you. Still, don't take my word for it. I would die for my closest friends, in a heartbeat. My life means nothing to that of someone who I love. If i could sacrafice myself for someone who is dear to me, I would do it. believe me or not, I would. I would do anything for you, as long as you truly care for me as much as I care for you. My friends mean everything to me. Do they to you? Do I to you? I am more than what meets the eye (Transformers!) wether you believe it or not. It is possible that I think such things you would never ever dream of thinking, for the fact that they are so skewed, it seems irrelivant to even think those "things". No, I'm not about to go on a murderous spree, And yes, I am completely sober, thank you very much ;) All I'm saying is, don't settle for what you have. I believe anyone can achieve their true dream if they try hard enough. It's a series of walls that stop us, usually in the form of motivation. As some of you know me, I lack much motivation. I know this, so don't think i'm hypocritical by stating that you are lazy and I am not. I'm about as lazy as they come, have you seen my room? I guess sometimes, I am just not afraid to lay my cards out. To bear my insides for you all to destroy. Isn't that what Livejournal is for? Haha. Write back telling me your dream, your true being, anything that you want and need in your life, just tell us the truth! DO IT

*sigh* [19 Nov 2005|06:48pm] :( 2 DO IT

Thoughts [02 Nov 2005|04:22pm] Hello everyone. I haven't updated in awhile, i have not seen the need to. I'm tired of Ann Arbor, and my friends. Don't get me wrong, I love them all to death, it's just the fact that I am unhappy with my life right now. I need to get away from everything. I need to leave, be by myself for awhile. I would do it right now, but I don't know where to go. I guess it doesn't matter though. I'm so afraid of becoming the average american. I feel as though I am meant for something else, something bigger, I just don't know what yet. Hopefully I am and I'm not just wishing I was. All I know is that what I am doing right now in my life is not meant for me. I want to die saving someones life. I need a point to my existence. 10 DO IT

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